Every Night

Every Night
Every night is the same.
I try my best to just relax,
Let it all out.
Just admire those people who do what they want,
Whenever they want.
They have this self control
That nobody can take away,
But themselves.
But I'm here every night.
Fighting to just have a chance to learn,
No chance to make a mistake,
Or the same thing happens every night.
Fighting.
More fighting.
Screaming,
Yelling,
Then boom.
Rage.
Everything turns into something,
Something that I can't possibly love.
I'm stuck.
I pray every night.
I pray that I can just,
Contain this horrible anger.
This unexplainable anger.
This anger from someone I'm not.
But I'm stuck.
I clench my teeth, fight my tears, stop breathing,
Because I can't let anything escape my mouth,
I can't show my weakness,
I can't let go,
Any mistake is taken advantage of.
Same routine every night.
Same talk every day.
"Oh fighting never gets anything done."
Yet it happens every day,
Every night.