Every Night

Every Night
Every night is the same.
I try my best to just relax,
Let it all out.
Just admire those people who do what they want,
Whenever they want.
They have this self control
That nobody can take away,
But themselves.
But I'm here every night.
Fighting to just have a chance to learn,
No chance to make a mistake,
Or the same thing happens every night.
Fighting.
More fighting.
Screaming,
Yelling,
Then boom.
Rage.
Everything turns into something,
Something that I can't possibly love.
I'm stuck.
I pray every night.
I pray that I can just,
Contain this horrible anger.
This unexplainable anger.
This anger from someone I'm not.
But I'm stuck.
I clench my teeth, fight my tears, stop breathing,
Because I can't let anything escape my mouth,
I can't show my weakness,
I can't let go,
Any mistake is taken advantage of.
Same routine every night.
Same talk every day.
"Oh fighting never gets anything done."
Yet it happens every day,
Every night.

Something I'm Not

Something I'm Not
All this rage,
All this anger,
All this pain,
All this confusion,
All this frustration,
All this anxiety,
All this fear,
Is turning me into something I'm not.

I scream and I yell,
When just talking doesn't get the point across.
But then what?
When screaming and yelling starts to not get the point across,
I'm forced to use violence.
I hate it.
I hate myself when it comes to this point.
But then what?

What happens when violence doesn't get the point across?
What will I do?
How can I just be myself?
How can I just calm down?
What if these actions become a part of me?
How will I be able to live with myself,
Being somebody that I don't want to be,
Someone I'm not.
Or even worse,
Something I'm not.

Confused

Confused

It was going well,

Until now.

I don't know where you are,

I don't know what to do,

I don't know where we are.

Are we done?

Are you confused, as I am?

Was it something I did?

Was it something someone told you?

What do I do now?

I'm confused.

I miss you,

But I'm not sure if thats the right thing to do.

I need a sign,

That we are though,

Or that you need a break,

Or that there have been problems.

But give me a sign,

A hint,

A word.

Please,

I'm so confused.